Category Archives: Transition issues

Collateral Damage

07 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by in Achievement, Asperger's syndrome, Autism, high functioning autism, Independence, Transition issues

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Peckham, inc., obtains government contracts to employ disabled people and is affected by the shutdown.

Peckham is based out of Lansing, Michigan, and was founded by Ralf Peckham who was the head of the Michigan Rehab department. His original goal was to hire people with mental illness who faced significant barriers to employment.

Peckham opened their high tech call center in Grand Rapids 4 years ago. They are a nonprofit organization that trains and hires people with disabilities to do meaningful work at a high level of competence. These are people who our society and businesses have left behind. Have deemed unworthy of employment and the dignity that comes from being able to support themselves.

ADHD, sensory disorders, back injuries, blindness, autism, paraplegic and quadraplegia, depression, and anxiety are some of the conditions that qualify someone to work at Peckham.

Since Peckham opened here, many of these employees have become independent, bought their own houses or rented an apartment. A few have gotten married. They have moved on, finally, with their lives.

Marie was in the initial group of hires at Peckham four years ago. Since then, as many of you know, she has bought a condo, and we live with her. This condo is a blessing for us.

Marie graduated from Davenport University with a bachelor’s degree in accounting. Because of her disability, autism compounded by a mild brain injury at birth, she could not find a job for four years. She persisted in her efforts to find employment and sent out many resumes, volunteered for nonprofits, and eventually found limited part-time work at Mel trotter in accounts receivable.

So when the opportunity for employment with Peckham came up, she decided to go a different direction and try something new because her accounting degree was seemingly of no use. So Peckham trained her in tech support. She has real world certification. Tier 1 tech support, and she continues to train for additional certifications. She is also currently in the process of obtaining an associate’s in programming from grcc. She’s about halfway through. She’s a straight A student in this endeavor. I say this not just because I am proud of her. I say this because these are the kind of people that our capitalist system misses out on. UnEmployment among capable people with disabilities is multiple times the general level of unemployment.

So yesterday because of the government shutdown, 30 people were laid off at the Grand Rapids Peckham location. Marie’s hours were reduced to 30 a week. As the shutdown goes on, she could be laid off as well. Wednesday she had one chat in 7 hours. Yesterday 2 chats. She has training and experience in several areas at Peckham, plus seniority. Over the weekend she used two vacation days so others could work.

The government agency she primarily does support for, the US Forest Service – the firefighters who fight the fires in California for instance, has laid off most of their employees. That’s considered a non-essential government service.

 

The government agency she works for primarily provides tech support for, the US Forest Service – the firefighters who fight the fires in California for instance, has laid off most of their employees. That’s considered a non-essential government service.
After Marie had worked for Peckham for a year, we spent a year trying to help her become independent through buying her own condo or renting an apartment. We toured apartment complexes and condos. We came close to signing a lease and to making an offer on a condo, but stopped at the last minute. Then Ralph was diagnosed with cancer. At that point, we made the decision to help Marie buy a condo with the understanding that we would live with her and share the expenses. And a condo just happened to be available. I’m so thankful we have this arrangement. She has some cushion. I know she’s anxious as anyone would be. we are doing okay for now. But I think about the employees who have their own apartment for the first time or are supporting a family.
And I say all this just in case you don’t know anyone who is affected by the shutdown.
We need to let our president and our representatives know they should work toward a real compromise. President Trump said in a tweet a couple days ago that a shutdown didn’t matter that much because it is mostly affects Democratic employees. I’m sure there are some conservatives that are affected as well. Aside from being tone deaf, that demonstrates contempt for ordinary people.
The employees at Peckham are not federal employees. They are collateral damage that has not been reported on in this government shut down.

He’s Left The Harbor

27 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, cancer, Independence, labels, Transition issues, Uncategorized, writing

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“There’s a rumor we may need to go to London around the first of the year,” said Will, via Facebook Messanger to me, Ralph, and Patty. He sent this to us from Atlanta while on a business trip in November.

Will has definitely left the harbor. He owns his own home in another city. He goes on several business trips a year. This year he has spent time in New York City, Los Angeles, Atlanta, and probably somewhere else I am forgetting.

I started this blog in 2011 at Will’s urging. That is, I started writing again. After he graduated from college. He encouraged me to go to a local writing group, and there I learned how to blog.

From 2011 to 2014, I posted once a week on average. After Ralph’s health emergency in 2014, the blog faltered. I lost focus. My entries were not solely grounded in transition issues for young adults on the spectrum transitioning to adulthood.

I wonder what direction I should go from here.

Should I consider closing it down? Our kids are in their late 20s to early 30s. Will and Marie have jobs and mortgages. Patty is struggling for direction, but lives with her brother. Patty has said to me directly that she doesn’t want me to identify them as having any struggles growing up. It is important for their careers that they not be identified as ever having been on the spectrum. I struggle with this, because it has been so much of my life, raising them, and helping them achieve what they have. But I can see her perspective. On the other hand, she has told me that I need to write the story of our family. If I don’t, she has said she will. She wants to see my journals. However, I don’t know if she could handle the rawness of those emotions. I stopped journaling when they learned to read well.

Should I gather up these blog entries and put them in a collection of essays and publish them under the pseudonym of this blog. What if that becomes successful? Will they be “outed?”

If nothing else, this blog has been cathartic for me. It has helped me understand and process some of the history of our family. Our struggles, emotions, etc. But I don’t know if I should just shut it down. Throw it away. Act as if it didn’t happen.

And then there is the question of whether I should keep writing, and further, what I should write about. So pray for me, my readers and fellow bloggers. I don’t know what direction I should go now. Write fiction, stories, reviews, poetry, etc. What would I write about. I have been busy the last few years just taking care of myself and Ralph, who has cancer. But things have settled down since the diagnosis and subsequent move to the condo with our oldest daughter, Marie. So this spring I have planned to go to a writers’ retreat at the urging of my psychiatrist. He said I need to take care of myself and get away. But I am at a crossroad. I hope nothing prevents me from going to the retreat. It is paid for. I am still a member of my writing group, even though I don’t meet with them in purpose.

Will is out of the harbor. Patty lives with him. We live with Marie in her condo. Maybe it’s time to close the door on this chapter. But I don’t know what direction I want to go next. I just know I want to keep writing.

What say you?

Panic – What’s a Mom to Do?

22 Sunday Nov 2015

Posted by in Achievement, Autism, Independence, Transition issues

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Thanks to technology, I can know instantly when my grown children are having a panic attack. No ESP or Mom’s intuition required.

Ping! The Facebook messenger notifies me. Pop! A text message announces itself. My computer makes another noise at work as a panicky email appears, ghost like and then fades.

My grown kids can reach out and touch me in so many ways. 🙂

Will lives 70 miles away in the state capitol. In the last three months, Ralph or I have received panicky communication regarding the following:

Anguished decision making regarding whether to make a job change. After four interviews, a job offer came with higher pay and more responsibility. Will accepted the job offer. The a few hours later, I received a phone call on the way home from work. He had crashed his car. It was less than a year old. “If only I hadn’t decided to drive to Verizon to reward myself with a new phone. I was too tired, too wound up to concentrate properly.”

“Will,” I said. “Accidents happen. Are you hurt? Is anyone else hurt?” “I don’t know. They are checking out a senior citizen. Here comes a police officer. I need to hang up.”

A few minutes later, he called back. “I can’t find my registration. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.” “Will, people have that situation all the time. The police officer will know what to do.” The officer was able to look it up on his computer in his car.

Ralph went into rescue mode and drove to Will’s house, cleaned his house, cooked his meals.

The following Monday Will gave his two week notice to his current company. The next day, they came back with a better offer. Will was a mess, in a panic, losing sleep. He suffered high anxiety over a wonderful, dreadful choice. His dad stayed all week long, feeding him and cleaning house while he made his choice and he drove a rented car while his car was repaired. He stayed with his current company at twice the pay.

A few weeks later, his stove stopped working, after several attempts to keep it hobbling along. Ralph was on the phone with him several times convincing him to buy a good quality stove. Then, the day before Will had to leave for a business trip, the stove was delivered but couldn’t be hooked up due to the lack of qualifications of the delivery team to hook it up to gas. Ralph was staying at Will’s house for two weeks to take care of his three cats. So Ralph had no stove, but also was able to deal with the delivery people. They delivered the stove again, but the gas line was not up to code. Finally, after Will arrived home, the stove was hooked up.

Meanwhile, Patty was panicking during her first few weeks at Grad School. Her iritis finally went away a week after she arrived. During her first week, on the way to a required faculty party in her department, she fell while trying to catch the bus, getting some sore muscles and scratched up hands and face. She sent me an email while she sat in her office thinking about whether she would go to the party.

“Do you have to go? You could go home and tell them that you didn’t feel well.”

“I have to go. I’m an adult and I have to go, even though I was crying.”

“Well, if you have to go, give yourself a little rest.”

She walked over to the hotel, and went to the wine and cheese party. I prayed for her. What else could I do? I received a call at 10:00 p.m. “It went better than I thought. I was the only one who didn’t drink, but it was okay. I talked to my adviser; she was nicer than I thought, but a little loopy. They had food, but some of the grad students were disappointed there wasn’t pizza. We were all hungry.”

“Did you walk home?”

“No, another girl and I said we didn’t have a car, and one of the older grad students had pity on us and gave both of us a ride home.”

Patty was terrified of leading a discussion section. Her position was changed to grading only, which has worked out well for her.

She had awful, horrible cramps and finally went to the doctor, who put her on the pill. And said, given our family history of endometriosis, it was likely she had the classic symptoms. And that part of her problem was living away from home for the first time.

Last week she came down with influenza, and later this week, her iritis came back. She was frustrated that she couldn’t get through to her eye doctor. “I don’t have time for an appointment…but I have to go. I might go blind if I let this go. Maybe I’ll have to go to the ER.

“No. Don’t go to the ER. You don’t need to go to the ER. You can wait for an appointment.” At my desk at work, I looked up her doctor and called the office. I got right through. “My daughter likely has iritis and needs to see the doctor.” I made an appointment for Monday. And emailed her the time of the appointment. I sent her the correct phone number. (I look up medical providers for my job in order to obtain medical records for Medicare Set-Aside Proposals.) She called and changed the appointment and insisted the receptionist call the doctor and see if it was okay for her to start the treatment. She can take of herself, after all.

Most of Will’s panicky calls for help come to his father by phone. Most of Patty’s cries for help come via email, text, or Facebook messages.

What’s a parent to do as our kids start out on their own? Pray, give advice, and pray some more.

Help

 

 

An Emptier Nest

24 Monday Aug 2015

Posted by in Transition issues

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Two down, one to go.

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About a week ago, I took Patty to University. Her brother Will went with us to help with the driving and help with the move. The trip down there was 434 miles (Google’s estimate). We had to stop every two hours so Patty could put her eye drops for her iritis in. We left at 7:30 and arrived at about 3:45 p.m.

I am so glad Will came with us. He kept Patty busy with conversation and did do some of the driving. He helped me carry things from my little red car up to Patty’s new apartment. “I’m amazed you go all of this stuff in your little car,” he said.  He went with us to Staples and bought her a printer and an office chair. Then he went to Wal-Mart and bought a T.V. for her. (His sister, Mary paid for part of the T.V.)

We left Patty to sleep in her new apartment, while we slept in an economy hotel. She said she slept surprisingly well, despite her new situation. We went to Aldi’s and Kroger and stocked her cupboards and refrigerator. We tried to do what we could to make her life comfortable and supplied so that she wouldn’t have to go to the store right away, since she has no car.

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Will cooked spaghetti sauce and chili and packed it up in freezer containers so she would have something easy to warm up for meals. His dad did the same for him when he moved away three years ago.

When we left, we hugged long and hard. After we left she told us that she cried for two hours. She has to face everything in new surroundings, dealing with a fairly serious health issue, and missing her family. The second day, she told us she cried less. and she went to the ophthalmologist in her town, and found out that her iritis is gone. The doctor told her  She has to taper off the steroids; and is hoping that it won’t come back. She has been busier every day, met her advisers, and other graduate students in her department, along with the professor she is working for. Tomorrow she begins both her own classes and the class she will be T.A. -ing.

I drove all the way back; Will’s back was aching. Although he does drive his own car, he is an inexperienced driver, especially in the dark in the rain. We talked all the way back, even though he wanted to sleep. We had to pull over on the freeway in a large city because it was raining so hard. God kept us safe. We stopped at a hotel on the way home because I was too tired to drive anymore. But we got home. Will told me that helping his sister out was “worth it.” We talked about his beliefs, his home life, work life, struggles with making friends, and longing for a wife. In listening to him, I was overcome with joy at the man Will is becoming.

Our home is quieter, much quieter. Patty’s personality is big, effervescent, loud. (Our semi-feral cat, Wendy is officially afraid of her noise). Ralph misses her intensely. She took a year off between undergrad and graduate school. She has been home for him through his illness. It gave me some comfort to have her home. I went shopping for groceries Monday night. I had to stop myself from buying food that she likes. It was unsettling.

We are praying Patty will be successful, make friends in her new home, find fellowship in a church, grow spiritually and professionally.

Our nest is emptying out. Maybe Mary will move next summer. Then we will have to decide what to do with this four bedroom house. A transition for all of us. This is what we’ve been working for all this time. Thank you, Lord. It feels so odd, now that it is here.

Ann.

 

 

 

 

 

Life on the Other End of the Tether

07 Saturday Mar 2015

Posted by in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Independence, Transition issues

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Life’s not so easy on the other end of the tether, either.

Mary is dependent on us for most of her transportation. We live in a mid size city in the Midwest. We have public transportation, but it leaves something to be desired. Six of the communities in our town have voted to support the bus system. The rest of them voted no on paying for buses, which means large parts of the metropolitan area are inaccessible to people who can’t drive or don’t have a car.

We have been driving her back and forth to work since the beginning of February. We are happy to do it, but it adds an extra 90 minutes of driving to our days. It’s a great opportunity to talk to Mary every day, hear how it is going, how she is feeling about her future, what her plans are.

Still, Mary is feeling the strain of the tether, and so are we.

“When I was unpacking Will’s clothes in his room with Aunt Mary, I felt so jealous. I wanted my own apartment or condo. I wanted to move out, but I know I need to have patience,” said Mary one morning on the way to work.

Over the last year or so, Mary and I have had many discussions about where she would live, how she would get around, how she would meet her own needs. Having a full time job has transformed her wishes to plans.

Finding an apartment or a condo which is near a main bus line rather than a tertiary bus route, is essential. The apartments closest to her job have bus transportation from 5:00 a.m. to 9:00 am and from 4:00 pm to 9:00 pm. A few bus routes have service from 5:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. and on Weekends. Not many though. But she is doing the research.

“I have to have transportation for when you aren’t able to take me to work anymore,” she said.

“I’ll still be around,” I said.

“But you might not be available to take me to work every day. I would still like you to take me grocery shopping. Apartments don’t seem to located near grocery stores. At least not the ones near my job, with dependable bus routes.”

Mary is dependent on us for transportation to work, church, the doctor and dentist, grocery store, shopping for clothes, and furniture. That will need to change. She goes to church with us now, but our church is not on a bus route, so either we will need to give her a ride, or she will have to find a church which is near her apartment/condo.

She wants to get to work on her own, have her own place. When, not if, she moves out, all of these issues will have to be considered. She told Ralph last week that she would like to move in about a year during the spring or fall. That should be enough time to save some money and figure out how she will provide for her own needs.

This blog has veered off the topic of transition for the last several months due to Ralph’s illness and hospitalizations. But really, his health issues are germane to the topic of transition. We have been unable to take her where she needed to go this fall. Our friends have helped out when we couldn’t. Chaos entered our lives, and we couldn’t provide for Mary.

“I know I can’t always depend on you and Dad,” said Mary. It’s true. So she is making her own plans to break the tether.

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