Category Archives: Uncategorized

Incomplete Without You – a lecture by Erik W. Carter

10 Sunday Feb 2019

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I was unable to attend this lecture in person due to the necessity of working at my job. So I was delighted when I found the lecture on Youtube.

I have to admit that this sometimes brought tears to my eyes, in part, because our needs as a family were not often met in the congregation we brought our kids up in. However, we persisted, and our kids benefitted from attending and being part of the group. I think the hard part is befriending those with differences. For us, the inviting to informal groups was lacking. And transportation to events, especially as our kids aged out of youth group, was an issue. Even now, as we are attending a congregation that is actively thinking about meeting the needs of individuals with disabilities, we think about how our daughter will be able to attend church and church activities when we can’t supply transportation.

I recommend watching this wonderful video to spur your thinking.

Ann

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He’s Left The Harbor

27 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, cancer, Independence, labels, Transition issues, Uncategorized, writing

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“There’s a rumor we may need to go to London around the first of the year,” said Will, via Facebook Messanger to me, Ralph, and Patty. He sent this to us from Atlanta while on a business trip in November.

Will has definitely left the harbor. He owns his own home in another city. He goes on several business trips a year. This year he has spent time in New York City, Los Angeles, Atlanta, and probably somewhere else I am forgetting.

I started this blog in 2011 at Will’s urging. That is, I started writing again. After he graduated from college. He encouraged me to go to a local writing group, and there I learned how to blog.

From 2011 to 2014, I posted once a week on average. After Ralph’s health emergency in 2014, the blog faltered. I lost focus. My entries were not solely grounded in transition issues for young adults on the spectrum transitioning to adulthood.

I wonder what direction I should go from here.

Should I consider closing it down? Our kids are in their late 20s to early 30s. Will and Marie have jobs and mortgages. Patty is struggling for direction, but lives with her brother. Patty has said to me directly that she doesn’t want me to identify them as having any struggles growing up. It is important for their careers that they not be identified as ever having been on the spectrum. I struggle with this, because it has been so much of my life, raising them, and helping them achieve what they have. But I can see her perspective. On the other hand, she has told me that I need to write the story of our family. If I don’t, she has said she will. She wants to see my journals. However, I don’t know if she could handle the rawness of those emotions. I stopped journaling when they learned to read well.

Should I gather up these blog entries and put them in a collection of essays and publish them under the pseudonym of this blog. What if that becomes successful? Will they be “outed?”

If nothing else, this blog has been cathartic for me. It has helped me understand and process some of the history of our family. Our struggles, emotions, etc. But I don’t know if I should just shut it down. Throw it away. Act as if it didn’t happen.

And then there is the question of whether I should keep writing, and further, what I should write about. So pray for me, my readers and fellow bloggers. I don’t know what direction I should go now. Write fiction, stories, reviews, poetry, etc. What would I write about. I have been busy the last few years just taking care of myself and Ralph, who has cancer. But things have settled down since the diagnosis and subsequent move to the condo with our oldest daughter, Marie. So this spring I have planned to go to a writers’ retreat at the urging of my psychiatrist. He said I need to take care of myself and get away. But I am at a crossroad. I hope nothing prevents me from going to the retreat. It is paid for. I am still a member of my writing group, even though I don’t meet with them in purpose.

Will is out of the harbor. Patty lives with him. We live with Marie in her condo. Maybe it’s time to close the door on this chapter. But I don’t know what direction I want to go next. I just know I want to keep writing.

What say you?

Character and Determination

13 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by in Achievement, Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Uncategorized

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When Marie graduated from high school, the state rehabilitation agency sent her to a day long series of evaluations to assess whether my plan to take her to college was an appropriate use of state funds.

The report was devastating. 20+ pages long. I read it tearfully. However, I had read many similar reports about Marie throughout her education.

Some of her teachers in middle school and high school had honestly looked at her weaknesses, but they also looked at her strengths. She started reading at 15 through intensive instruction. The first novel she read was THE LORD OF THE RINGS at 16.

And she had an affinity for numbers. Her teachers encouraged this. In high school, she finished a 2-year course in computerized accounting in one year at the KCTC. She worked hard.

The Michigan Rehab neuropsych testing concluded that she could take beginning college classes like remedial English and beginning accounting classes, but she wouldn’t be able to pass advanced accounting classes. Even if she passed advanced accounting classes, she likely wouldn’t graduate. Even if she graduated, because of her autism, she wouldn’t be able to interact with clients.

Her sister, Patty, said to me at the time, that test does not measure hard work or determination. It doesn’t measure character.

So the fall of 2005, Marie started taking classes at GRCC. We signed her up for disability services at the college. She did well in all of her accounting classes and needed tutoring in language based courses. She graduated from community college in 2008 with an associate degree in accounting. We encouraged her to go to Davenport for her bachelor’s degree. She graduated from Davenport in 2010.

The neuropsych testing was correct in forecasting her difficulty in finding full-time work. She got interviews. But never the job. I surmise that the interviewers knew something was off. She didn’t make eye contact, her voice was very soft, she still had residual speech issues.

After a year of this, she looked up volunteer organizations, and found a volunteer position at Mel Trotter in accounts receivable. She volunteered without fail for a year. Her boss told her that if she volunteered for a year they would hire her part time. They hired her that fall. She worked full time during the giving season October through December and one or two afternoons a week for the rest of the year, for three years. And she continued to look for work and got interviews, but never a job.

In the spring of 2014 she told me that she was going to go in a different direction. Goodwill in collaboration with Peckham Industries was offering a course leading to IT certification. She was going to an interview for the program next week. Would I take her? Of course, I said. The job opportunity was at a call center at Peckham Industries.

So she started the course in August 2014. In October 2014, Ralph was hospitalized for bowel obstruction and emergency bowel resection surgery due to a tumor. Our Sunday school class stepped in and provided transportation so that Marie could finish her course. They also took Patty to her TA job at Cornerstone University. This was what we desperately needed. God provided this through his people. Ephesians 2:10 in action.

Marie passed the certification course on the first try. She went through the interview process, including an interview with the FBI for security clearance, and was hired with the first group of hires for Peckham Industries’ call center to provide tech support for the USDA forest service. They also have contracts for Visa tech support.

She has been working for Peckham for 3 1/2 years. Two years ago, she bought the condo we live in with her. She is now taking courses at the community college for a computer programming associates while working full time. She is getting straight A’s.

Marie’s life is testimony to the goodness of God. And the accumulation of all the good works performed by hundreds of people on her behalf and our behalf. This didn’t happen by accident.

*****

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:1013906724_10153813157811381_3887460422324417653_n

Catching My Breath

02 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Autism, cancer, Uncategorized

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For the third year in a row, I am taking a vacation during the first week in January. In January, I get a new supply of vacation days. This year, it’s four weeks, thank God. My husband has been ill since October 2014, when he had a tumor on his bowel that caused a total blockage. He had surgery, but recovery has been slow due to his other health conditions.  I have been his caregiver since then. He has been feeling relatively well the last year. He does some household chores and drives our daughter to work.

This summer he was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. We have spent time going to University of Michigan to be evaluated for a bone marrow transplant. He doesn’t qualify due to his other health conditions, overall weakness, and struggle with malnutrition.

Since October 2014, I have spent most of my vacation time on appointments for him. So it may seem lavish for me to spend some of it on myself. Because that’s what this is. A break from work. A chance to regroup. To do some fun stuff like go to the theater and watch a movie, crochet, scrapbook, and organize our condo.

Last summer, after his diagnosis, we decided (we were led, really) to go ahead and help our 30-year-old daughter buy a condo with the idea that we would move in with her and pay rent to her. She had been paying rent to us for several years. She was enthusiastic about this idea. We started talking about it on July 3. She signed the mortgage papers on August 11 and we moved on August 20. Six weeks. We put our house on the market in October. We sold it in four days, and closed two weeks later. It has been an amazing how God’s hand was evident in this move. God’s people helped us move, and helped us throw away or give away more than half of our stuff. What a weight off of our shoulders.

Late summer, Ralph had to have two transfusions. This is a sign of his cancer progressing. However, his doctor has adjusted his chemo so that he stays just above transfusion level while controlling his platelet level to some extent. Too many transfusions and blood letting has to happen or medication to take down iron level. Two weeks ago, he had an abdominal CT scan to check for Crohn’s disease because of digestive issues that are robbing him of nutrition. No Crohn’s, but the radiologist did note that his liver had a small lesion. His GI doctor told him it was nothing to worry about. I asked his PCP to send me a copy of the test results. It notes that the lesion/liver should be watched for metastasis, and the PCP said he should have another test. I keep this information to myself. It may be nothing. But the fact that he has bone marrow cancer indicates it needs watching.

As I think about 2017, I wonder how soon chaos will enter our lives. Yet the thing that I must do is trust God. In the midst of our storm, He has been faithful to us. Faithful.

May you have a blessed new year!

Ann

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear[a] when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

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