Tags
ASD, asperger's, autism, crisis, support
Will called tonight because he was very upset. His Wi-fi thing-a-ma-gig broke down. This component is a necessity because part of his work at the computer corporation is done at home. One of the projects he is working on is going “live” this weekend. So it is an understandable crisis.
He needed to call home to help him calm down and talk through his options. His ability to handle his emotions has improved over the years. When he was younger, he had several meltdowns in school and outside of school. We tried to talk through possible options ahead of time. But when he was in the midst of a crisis, he couldn’t see that he had more than one option. He could go to his room of refuge in the middle school. He could use words instead of crying or throwing his desk at a wall (an alarming option he chose once in his precalculas class in high school). Sometimes his outbursts made him a target for bullying, but he was fortunate that he had such a support group around him, including most of his classmates.
If we could, we tried to help him plan for difficult social situations using Social Stories. Many times, to our dismay, we were unable to predict possible meltdowns and prepare Will for them ahead of time. So we had to review with him possible outcomes that he could have used. We did a lot of talking with Will in very forthright and explicit manner. If an outsider would have been a fly on the wall during these sessions, I think it would have been difficult to understand why Will would put up with these discussions.
We had him meet with a therapist who specialized in helping autistic children. She helped him develop strategies for dealing with difficult social situations during his middle school years. What seems simple to us, was very difficult for him. At that time, our insurance did not pay for these sessions.
He has had a few of these incidents since he moved out. Sometimes I receive emails at work asking me to pray for him because he has made a mistake. Last fall we were at the hospital having Ralph’s heart checked out due to an episode of severe dizziness and collapse. Will’s boss had threatened him with the loss of his job, which would be difficult for anyone to handle. In a full blown panic, Will poured out his despair. Ralph and I sat in the emergency room calming Will down. I think some of Will’s coworkers have figured out that Will may have autism, so some of them came to his aid.
So tonight Will and I talked about getting a replacement for his Wi-fi. Possibly finding a store that would be open. He was also frustrated that his wi-fi device was no longer eligible for technical support because the model isn’t manufactured any more, unless he paid 40 dollars. “The device cost 40 dollars, why should I pay that when I can get a new one!”
He finally decided to text his supervisor regarding the breakdown of his equipment, and to get up at 8:00 the next morning and go to Target and get another wi-fi device.
I have dealt with two meltdowns so far this week. First Ralph was very frustrated at work and ready to give his two-week notice. I calmed him down by email and texts. Then Will called me at 10:10 pm tonight venting about his Wi-fi problem. Patty just came down stairs “to talk” after I finish writing this post.
Oh the humanity!
Hang in there:) xx
I will. Thank you. 🙂
I feel for you but I can completely relate to him! My modem, you can just call it a wi-fi thing as it is doing the same thing, died a few weeks back, and to say the least I was on edge. As in, the kids knew dad was very very loud and has an extreme dislike for his internet provider and the bad equipment they gave him. I can tell you that it drove me mad but i kept my eruption limited to about 10 minutes after racing through my brain on how to fix this issue as soon as possible. That and I also called my mother and went to her house to finish my work, the kids watched a movie, ate popcorn, and visited with grandma and grandpa, and dad made it through just fine. I relate very much to what Will went through and all I can really add is that when ‘the world crashes’ remember it was you that he called. =) Thank you for posting this.
I am sure that Will was loud, too, before he called – having had him around the house for 24 years, before he moved away last year for his job. I still call my mother when I have a crisis…and I am 54 and she is 78.
Sometimes it seems relentless, doesn’t it. I used to say to myself, “I have a jumper.” Then I felt like the psychologist that is called in to talk the jumper down off the roof. Oh my, yes. The life of a mother, wife, good friend, “the glue” is never done. But, it feels good (exhausting, yes) but good nonetheless to know you helped when help was needed. Good on you that Will has you and Ralph for those moments. You did good girl! 🙂
That is a perfect description of what it felt like when Will was in school…thankfully, it happens less now. But still. it’s good to be needed.
But now the jumper lives on his own…cell phones are good…so good.
Ann, brillinatly wriiten. You clearly show the thinking process that Will goes through. Its not just a bag of emotions for him but clearly a thought process he is following. The sensory aspect is overwhelming for him. Your ability to listen is incredible. You hear his words and are able to respond. It is exhausting. I have worked with children, teens and adults in the ASD and when so many wanted to restrain during a “Will Meltdown” I insisted that we listen to the “logic”. There is always communicative intent in the meltdown so listening to the message is key to bringing the person to a solution. Bravo to you!
Thank you. I think you can sense what I am getting at. There is always a reason for a meltdown…And it is not always sensory overload. Will had his own often unexpressed set of rules about his world. His rules helped him to predict what was going to happen, and made him feel safe. When others broke his privately held rules, he sometimes had a meltdown. When we were able to ask him what had happened and what he was thinking, we were often astonished at his world view.
That is, we were astonished at how, to us, illogical it was….but to him it made sense.
Hi Ann!
My son, now 17 (in a few weeks) is an IEP student. While some of your struggles are familiar, I can’t compare mine to yours. With the exception of one school psychologist and teacher (and I made it clear that the psychologist in question was not to come near him again, after her thoughtless commentary) he has has received tremendous support in school. Now in HS, I told him he is quite lucky–receiving almost spa treatment education. His grades are As & Bs mostly, he runs track & cross country, and is now considering a Fitness/coaching/nutrition career. Thank you for sharing your stories of courage, commitment, and inspiration. You will run the race, and not tire.
Thank you. Does your son know where he is going to college yet?
I know the feeling.Been here too often. I am thankful to find you via: http://annarosemeeds.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/wordpress-family-award/comment-page-1/#comment-147
🙂