What Will She Do With All Our Stuff?

24 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, faith, Independence

Tags

cancer, downsize, independence, moving, myelodysplastic syndrome

Within a few weeks Marie will be closing on her condo. She will be a home owner at 30.

Then the three of us will be moving together into her condo. We are starting to clean out this house that we have lived in for 21 years as of August 4.

A few years ago I discussed the issue of estate disbursement in this blog post.

https://annkilter.com/2014/03/14/what-would-they-do-with-my-stuff/

This time, the question is no longer speculative. Our real estate agent, Jean, told us that the sale will probably close before mid August. This time, we are moving out of necessity due to Ralph’s cancer. In part because we need to move to a place with fewer maintenance issues; somewhere fresh. In part because we needed to move to a place that is closer to Marie’s job. So that, if we aren’t available to take her to work (likely at some point), she can get herself there. It is 3 miles from her job, a 15 minute bus ride. She could walk if necessary, although that would mean crossing a very busy street. From our current house, it is an hour bus ride. And walking would be impossible.

The job of moving is overwhelming. Decisions. Decisions. What to throw away, what to give away, what to take with us.

Two weeks ago, Will and Patty came to the house to get their stuff before I could have a chance to throw or give it away. Will will never have a reason to say, “I could have had a fortune, but my Mom threw my Pokemon cards away.” Ralph tells the story about his mother who gave away his antique toys when he was away at college. Of course they weren’t antique then. Will and Patty will be coming back next weekend to get more stuff, and to take Daisy, our dog, and one of the cats, Chris, home to Will’s house.

When Will moved out, he took things from our house for his apartment. We also bought a lot of essentials for him like spices, laundry baskets, towels, etc. When Patty moved to her apartment, we did the same thing. But when we move to Marie’s Condo with her, we will be bringing our household goods with us. There will be no need to buy a rice cooker or a toaster. We will have everything we need, and then some.

One of the extra questions I am asking myself as we get ready to move is – will Marie ever have a need for this…or will she have to get rid of it? Marie can’t drive, so getting rid of our stuff is a hassle. Some things are going in the give-away boxes instead. I have announced my abundance of some items on Facebook. I have found a few homes for my extra yarn, and craft stuff. I will still crochet, but unless it is a project currently under construction, I think I will give the rest away.

I’ve taken three trunk loads of stuff to Goodwill so far. Many more to come. I’ll sell a few things, like the piano, the microwave, and tools. I don’t have the desire to run a full-on moving sale. In the next few weeks, if it goes as planned, I will have gotten rid of 50% of our stuff. Marie is going to buy new living room furniture for her condo (she doesn’t want our worn out stuff). So we will get a dumpster and throw those items away. 31 years of accumulation. It will take a while.

Moving

09 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, cancer, faith, high functioning autism, Independence

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

asperger's syndrome, autism, cancer, downsize, downsizing, myelodysplastic syndrome

Well…

Things are changing quickly. On Saturday, on our way to go fishing, I said to Ralph, “We should take some money out your 401k to help Marie make a down payment on a condo.” He was open to the idea.

The next morning, I said we should look for a condo. He said there was no way we could find a suitable condo in our price range. I said to him, “God has provided for us in so many ways. He provided the money for you to go to college, and you graduated from college with no debt. He led us to this neighborhood where our kids received an excellent education in a tiny school district. Our kids were more successful than we could have imagined. God provided the funds for them to go to college. Don’t you think that if he has been faithful with that, he would be faithful for our need to find another place?” (I went on to list more instances of God’s provision for us in our lives.)

Then he went to the computer and started looking up condos for sale. “Here’s one we could afford. Two bedroom, two bath.” That is, one that Marie could afford. We cannot get a mortgage due to our debt and medical bills. We showed the condo to Marie, and suggested we go over and look at the outside of it.

I wrote an email to a real estate agent that we have been working with for the past six months. I told her about Ralph’s cancer and wondered if Marie would be able to buy a condo, and we could move in with her and pay rent to her. She emailed me back and said that it wasn’t likely because the real estate market here is so hot…and some condos are getting 20 bids with some bids exceeding appraisal values. She doubted we could find anything soon.

45 minutes later, she called me and told me about the same condo that we were planning to look at the outside of. We went over with them and instead looked at the inside and outside of it. Nice. Very nice. It has a den/dining room with french doors that we could use for a clean room should Ralph’s white blood cell count dip to dangerous levels. Two full bathrooms, two bedrooms. A gas fireplace. And only two miles from Marie’s job.

Out in the car we all agreed that we liked it and should make an offer on it. We made an offer on Tuesday night at the full asking price. At 6:30 the next morning, our real estate agent told us that the seller accepted Marie’s offer, but only if we could sign the acceptance by noon. Marie did that. Now she is going through the process of getting the mortgage. Next week are the inspections. Then the appraisal. Then hopefully the closing not too long after that.

Then we move out of this old house. Now to choose what to take, what to sell, and what to throw away. The thought is overwhelming. Will is planning to take our old dog, Daisy, and one of the old cats, Chris. We will take the old cat, Mistletoe and the two younger cats.

Then we sell this house. We are downsizing. We won’t even “own” our own house. But we will have a place to live. And Marie, although she is qualified for this mortgage and has excellent credit, will find it easier to pay the mortgage and other costs with us paying rent. She could have the condo paid off fairly quickly. Marie told us a few months ago that she did not want to live alone. We are very fortunate to have her as a daughter. We never imagined that our daughter who spent 13 years in special education, but went on to obtain a college degree in accounting, would come to our rescue. We are praying that everything goes smoothly with no hitches.

Dust Will Be Your Husband’s Enemy

03 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in cancer

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cancer, germs, myelodysplastic syndrome, pathogens

Ralph is scheduled to meet with the bone marrow transplant team in two weeks due to his myelodysplastic syndrome, a blood/bone marrow cancer.

I’ve rapidly been educating myself on myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS), and stem cell transplants.

On a facebook page for MDS, I asked, “How do I prepare my house for his safety as the disease progresses, and if he gets a stem cell transplant?”

I received many helpful responses, but the one that shook me was “Dust will be your husband’s enemy.”

Our house was built in 1910. It’s had more than a 100 years to accumulate dust, mold, and other pathogens. Plus, there is the issue of my housekeeping.

I said to Ralph, “We need to move. This house isn’t safe for you, or won’t be within a few months, especially if you get the stem cell transplant.”

There is also the issue of Marie getting to work on her own. Do we need to move? I told Ralph that despite the hot real estate market, this is something we can pray to God about, and he will provide.

Thanking God We Have Insurance

29 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in cancer

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Tags

cancer, cost of treatment, myelodysplastic syndrome

So far the cost of treating MDS is close to $30,000 since June 1.

Yesterday, we received a call from the hospital that will be doing the Stem Cell Transplant, a procedure and follow up treatment that could run into the hundreds of thousand dollars.

If we didn’t have insurance, there would be no treatment available to us until Ralph qualifies for Medicare (October). Before October, he will have four cycles of chemotherapy at a cost of $40,000. That does not include the co-pays for every chemo visit ($175 per cycle), weekly labs, and any complications that may arise due to the course of his disease and side effects from the chemo.

Ralph has told me that he will not leave a load of debt in order to treat his cancer. If we didn’t have insurance, his outlook would be dismal. Most people at his stage of cancer die within two years from infection, bleeding, or acute leukemia. When the bone marrow fails, it fails to produce enough blood cells to supply the body. The bone marrow could rightly be called the source of life. In order to extend his life, our insurance will be spending a lot of money. Our part is the out of pocket limit (of $2,250 and copays, and extra expenses we are not aware of.

Sorry to be so dismal in my outlook, but it is important to think of practical things. We need to know what to expect. We will be traveling 137 miles one way to the treatment center our insurance will pay for in three weeks. There will probably be multiple trips if he is able to get the stem cell transplant. We don’t know if he will be eligible yet.

How will we get our daughter to work? Maybe she should move as we move forward with this?

Hope Deferred – Marie

22 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, cancer, Independence

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

asperger's, autism, cancer, independence, myelodysplastic syndrome, stem cell transplant

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

Yesterday, I took Marie to an apartment building in our town to look at a one bedroom apartment. Normally, this building has a long waiting list for one bedroom apartments. The rates are reasonable, and many residents are long-term. This apartment was available, I suspect, because it was being reconditioned. It is going to have completely new flooring installed. The apartment is modest, but pretty nice for a first apartment. It is less than a 20 minute bus ride to her job. Very important because Marie will never be able to drive.

Marie was going to write a check to reserve the apartment after work today. She was so excited to move into her own place.

Today, I received an urgent call from Denise from our health insurance company. She told me the local transplant center was out of network for them. If we chose to have Ralph evaluated there, our insurance company would pay 60%, leaving us on the hook for 40%, which would cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars. Completely out of our price range. The approved stem cell transplant centers are over a hundred miles away. We would need to travel and stay at hotels for Ralph’s treatment.

Marie will be 30 this summer. Her younger brother moved out four years ago to take a job in another city. He bought his own house a year ago. Her younger sister, Patty, moved to Ohio to pursue a graduate degree. She had to get an apartment.

Marie has been waiting to get her own place. She is the most impaired of her siblings; so her journey toward independence has been drawn out. Still, I believe she is ready. And moving to her own place would relieve us of the responsibility of driving her to her job (a precious job which took her four years to land after college.)

But she pays rent and transportation to us, which I am sorry to say is something that we need to make ends meet. Especially now that we will have to find a way to pay extra expenses for Ralph’s treatment. And we need someone to house sit our dog and our house if and when we need to be gone for a while. Our old dog is not nice to strangers. We need her at home. Yet she longs to be on her own. We need her help.

It’s not fair.

But she is willing at this point to help us. Of our children, Marie is the most selfless; like her father. I hope we can figure out a way for her to take this step sooner. And maybe this loss will turn out to be for the best.
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12