What Will She Do With All Our Stuff?

24 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, faith, Independence

Tags

cancer, downsize, independence, moving, myelodysplastic syndrome

Within a few weeks Marie will be closing on her condo. She will be a home owner at 30.

Then the three of us will be moving together into her condo. We are starting to clean out this house that we have lived in for 21 years as of August 4.

A few years ago I discussed the issue of estate disbursement in this blog post.

https://annkilter.com/2014/03/14/what-would-they-do-with-my-stuff/

This time, the question is no longer speculative. Our real estate agent, Jean, told us that the sale will probably close before mid August. This time, we are moving out of necessity due to Ralph’s cancer. In part because we need to move to a place with fewer maintenance issues; somewhere fresh. In part because we needed to move to a place that is closer to Marie’s job. So that, if we aren’t available to take her to work (likely at some point), she can get herself there. It is 3 miles from her job, a 15 minute bus ride. She could walk if necessary, although that would mean crossing a very busy street. From our current house, it is an hour bus ride. And walking would be impossible.

The job of moving is overwhelming. Decisions. Decisions. What to throw away, what to give away, what to take with us.

Two weeks ago, Will and Patty came to the house to get their stuff before I could have a chance to throw or give it away. Will will never have a reason to say, “I could have had a fortune, but my Mom threw my Pokemon cards away.” Ralph tells the story about his mother who gave away his antique toys when he was away at college. Of course they weren’t antique then. Will and Patty will be coming back next weekend to get more stuff, and to take Daisy, our dog, and one of the cats, Chris, home to Will’s house.

When Will moved out, he took things from our house for his apartment. We also bought a lot of essentials for him like spices, laundry baskets, towels, etc. When Patty moved to her apartment, we did the same thing. But when we move to Marie’s Condo with her, we will be bringing our household goods with us. There will be no need to buy a rice cooker or a toaster. We will have everything we need, and then some.

One of the extra questions I am asking myself as we get ready to move is – will Marie ever have a need for this…or will she have to get rid of it? Marie can’t drive, so getting rid of our stuff is a hassle. Some things are going in the give-away boxes instead. I have announced my abundance of some items on Facebook. I have found a few homes for my extra yarn, and craft stuff. I will still crochet, but unless it is a project currently under construction, I think I will give the rest away.

I’ve taken three trunk loads of stuff to Goodwill so far. Many more to come. I’ll sell a few things, like the piano, the microwave, and tools. I don’t have the desire to run a full-on moving sale. In the next few weeks, if it goes as planned, I will have gotten rid of 50% of our stuff. Marie is going to buy new living room furniture for her condo (she doesn’t want our worn out stuff). So we will get a dumpster and throw those items away. 31 years of accumulation. It will take a while.

Moving

09 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, cancer, faith, high functioning autism, Independence

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

asperger's syndrome, autism, cancer, downsize, downsizing, myelodysplastic syndrome

Well…

Things are changing quickly. On Saturday, on our way to go fishing, I said to Ralph, “We should take some money out your 401k to help Marie make a down payment on a condo.” He was open to the idea.

The next morning, I said we should look for a condo. He said there was no way we could find a suitable condo in our price range. I said to him, “God has provided for us in so many ways. He provided the money for you to go to college, and you graduated from college with no debt. He led us to this neighborhood where our kids received an excellent education in a tiny school district. Our kids were more successful than we could have imagined. God provided the funds for them to go to college. Don’t you think that if he has been faithful with that, he would be faithful for our need to find another place?” (I went on to list more instances of God’s provision for us in our lives.)

Then he went to the computer and started looking up condos for sale. “Here’s one we could afford. Two bedroom, two bath.” That is, one that Marie could afford. We cannot get a mortgage due to our debt and medical bills. We showed the condo to Marie, and suggested we go over and look at the outside of it.

I wrote an email to a real estate agent that we have been working with for the past six months. I told her about Ralph’s cancer and wondered if Marie would be able to buy a condo, and we could move in with her and pay rent to her. She emailed me back and said that it wasn’t likely because the real estate market here is so hot…and some condos are getting 20 bids with some bids exceeding appraisal values. She doubted we could find anything soon.

45 minutes later, she called me and told me about the same condo that we were planning to look at the outside of. We went over with them and instead looked at the inside and outside of it. Nice. Very nice. It has a den/dining room with french doors that we could use for a clean room should Ralph’s white blood cell count dip to dangerous levels. Two full bathrooms, two bedrooms. A gas fireplace. And only two miles from Marie’s job.

Out in the car we all agreed that we liked it and should make an offer on it. We made an offer on Tuesday night at the full asking price. At 6:30 the next morning, our real estate agent told us that the seller accepted Marie’s offer, but only if we could sign the acceptance by noon. Marie did that. Now she is going through the process of getting the mortgage. Next week are the inspections. Then the appraisal. Then hopefully the closing not too long after that.

Then we move out of this old house. Now to choose what to take, what to sell, and what to throw away. The thought is overwhelming. Will is planning to take our old dog, Daisy, and one of the old cats, Chris. We will take the old cat, Mistletoe and the two younger cats.

Then we sell this house. We are downsizing. We won’t even “own” our own house. But we will have a place to live. And Marie, although she is qualified for this mortgage and has excellent credit, will find it easier to pay the mortgage and other costs with us paying rent. She could have the condo paid off fairly quickly. Marie told us a few months ago that she did not want to live alone. We are very fortunate to have her as a daughter. We never imagined that our daughter who spent 13 years in special education, but went on to obtain a college degree in accounting, would come to our rescue. We are praying that everything goes smoothly with no hitches.

What would they do with my stuff?

14 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Transition issues

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

asperger's, autism, disability, downsize, downsizing, minimalist

Downsizing in the next few years is a precious gift Ralph and I can give to our children.

Our house is 1600 square feet, 2400 square feet if we count the mostly unfinished basement. We are not hoarders, but we have accumulated a lot of stuff over the last 19 years in this house, 28 years as a married couple.

My parents are in the process of moving back to our state from Florida to live with my brother. A trailer of their possessions came up north with my mother in November. My siblings flew down to Florida today to help my father pack their remaining stuff into a moving truck, and drive back here with him. My parents already had three yard sales to reduce moving expenses.

We have spent so much effort thinking about our children’s future that we have forgotten to plan for our future as our lives wind down. The thought of Mary, Will, and Patty being faced with what to do with our earthly possessions is deeply disturbing. I imagine them bewildered. The fact that Mary and Will are on the autistic spectrum complicates the situation. Better to give it away before then, while we still have the strength and will.

Now is the time to get rid of craft items I haven’t even looked at in five years. Now is the time to shred documents we no longer need. Now is the time to go through the drawers and our many built-in cupboards. This summer we plan to sell our pop-up camper, which hasn’t been out of the garage in ten years.

I’ve already taken two trunk loads of stuff to Goodwill. Thanks to Facebook, I found “Becoming Minimalist” a blog by Joshua Becker about living with fewer possessions, and finding more time and money to develop friendships, travel, be with family. Mr. Becker is not writing about becoming a tightwad, but about setting priorities in life. I am following his Facebook page so that I am reminded on a regular basis to keep going. http://www.becomingminimalist.com/15-reasons-i-think-you-should-blog/

We could comfortably live in 800 square feet – a two bedroom house, condo, or apartment. A two bedroom space would have a place for Mary if she continues to live with us. Starting the process now, while we are still healthy, will prepare us for downsizing. If we wait, getting rid of the jetsam and flotsam of our lives will be overwhelming.