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Forgiveness

04 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Disability, faith, high functioning autism, Support, Thankful

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asperger's, attitude, autism, autistic, faith, forgiveness

Those in the autism community are not exempt from the biblical command to forgive those who offend them. This includes parents of children on the autistic spectrum and those who are on the autistic spectrum themselves.

Peter asked Jesus how many times should I forgive my brother who sins against me? Seven times? Jesus answered, No, seventy times seven.  (Matthew 18:21-22) 490 is a concrete number, but the implication is that we should forgive those who offend us.

Why? Don’t they deserve our condemnation? Don’t those who judge us, deserve to be judged? Don’t we have a right to our grudges? After all, “they” shouldn’t have said what they said or done what they did.

The problem is that, as someone has accurately noted, “Bitterness is taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Our anger and our grudges cost us far more than the ignorance of some, and even the refusal to understand from others.

Frankly, holding others accountable to my hurt and pain is incredibly draining. I don’t have enough energy to keep a grudge, but I will admit to you that I have done it.

When Mary was a young child, we kept asking our pediatrician if there was a reason that we could not get her potty trained, if there was a reason that no one could understand her, if there was a reason that she fell down frequently. When she was tested for young fives kindergarten, she was found to be at 2.5 years of development at the age of five. I asked our pediatrician why he had not told us that she had very significant developmental delays in the face of direct and frequent questioning. He said to me that he did not believe in early intervention. For years, I held a grudge against him. Every time I thought of that offense, fury would rise up within me. My voice shook when I would relate this story to others.

Finally, I realized this grudge was poisoning my soul. I began the process of forgiving him. Forgiveness did not immediately release me from the chains of this grudge. Instead, I decided that every time I thought of it, I would forgive him. Each time. The power of that grudge slowly lost its power over me.

I have seen a lot of lists which begin, “5/10/15/20 things never to say to an parents of children with disabilities, single women, pregnant women, senior citizens, etc.” These lists frequently indicate in advance the traps which the writer has set for those who interact with them. Then people unwittingly stumble into them, triggering the wrath of the list keeper.

Wouldn’t it be better to decide in advance that we will forgive them?

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Transition to Hobbies, Recreation, and Avocational Activities.

16 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, high functioning autism, Independence, Support, Transition issues

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asperger's, autistic, high functioning autism, independence, transition

A transition expert sits in on the IEPC meetings during the last few years of high school. Transition planning is very practical in terms of post K-12 planning. Will you get a job and/or a college education. Here are the resources to do that. College has learning centers for students with disabilities. Professors are required to accommodate their needs, if the situation is addressed up front.

Michigan Rehab Services, Goodwill, and Hope Network are available to assist in job placement, interview practice, resume writing. Although they don’t go with them to the interview, individuals have plenty of practice.

Our kids have learned to access these services on their own. Their dad and I do not sit in on the meetings anymore. It is their responsibility and opportunity.

What are resources for adults with High Functioning Autism/ Asperger’s for recreation opportunities? How can they be independent in this area? There are many, many resources for families and children. How do they move into adulthood with recreational activities and social opportunities? In the transition phase of autism education, a few questions are asked regarding recreation, hobbies, and fun.

Mainstreaming sounds good in an educational setting.The classes are already organized. There is a group that the student can be mainstreamed into.

However, it has proved much more difficult to transition to independent recreation and nonvocational activities, especially for my older daughter with more social impairment.

How do they do this independently?  My daughter and my son do not want to interact only with other adults with autism. They want to interact with people their own age, not on the necessarily on the autistic spectrum. But most of their peers are getting married and moving on to young married’s class at church, little league, kindergarten, school.They struggle with some of the same things as other single people.

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