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~ What ships are for…

annkilter

Tag Archives: asperger

Being Open to Suggestion

10 Sunday May 2015

Posted by Ann Kilter in Autism

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

asperger, autism, Next generation, occupational therapy, recreational therapy, social worker

About a month ago I agreed to be interviewed by a young woman who needed to interview someone who has raised special needs kids. She needed the interview to complete one of her classes for her recreational therapy degree. Her mother, who was the teacher consultant for my son from the time he was four years old until he graduated from college, suggested that she contact me.

I agreed to the interview because I think it is so important to encourage young people to become the professionals, which the next generation of autistic families will need.

My message to her was, don’t be afraid to make suggestions to your students and parents. You can be a valuable resource to those you serve, beyond what you do yourself professionally. Suggestions came to us from people like you at just the right time. We didn’t take every suggestion, but some were very valuable to our family.

A school social worker suggested that our son should take up band, and he talked to the sixth grade band teacher before making this suggestion to us.

A recreational therapist at the local rehabilitation hospital suggested that we look in to therapeutic horse back riding.

Our piano teacher suggested that we attend the church we attended through our kids’ teen years because the youth pastor would be a good fit for our kids.

An occupational therapist shared information about summer therapy with Easter Seals because she knew we couldn’t afford private therapy.

These people were instrumental in our children’s transition to independent adulthood.

I sometimes took a while to decide regarding information given to us. But I was open to suggestion, and some of it made a big difference.

What suggestions have been helpful to you?

Transition Update

16 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Disability, faith, high functioning autism, Independence, Thankful, Transition issues

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

asperger, autism, independence, transition

“A ship is safest in the harbor, but that is not what ships are built for.” John Shedd. This was my the quote my friend Sharon had under her senior photo in our high school year book. As my children’s IEPs began to reference transition in their later years of high school, I remembered it and it became my motto. At the time, I put this quotation in my email signature lines both at home and at work to remind myself on a daily basis that my kids could not stay in the harbor. It was not healthy for them or for Ralph and me.

As a result, I began taking concrete steps to move our whole family toward transition. When my youngest daughter, Patty, was 12 years old, I went back to school to become a legal secretary. When she was 14, I graduated and started working. I told my kids, “I need to have something to do when you don’t need me anymore.” This type of language combined with concrete action (going back to school), helped all of us to move toward transitioning to independence.

Transition is the theme of this blog, so I thought I would update you on how transition is working out in our household.

Mary is living at home. She is working at a homeless shelter as a part-time accounting assistant in the accounting department. This fall, she also worked part-time at Habitat for Humanity for three months, but due to personnel changes, her position was eliminated. She is actively looking for full-time work. She says that when she finds a permanent position, and she has saved enough money, she will find her own place. Her brother’s transition to independent living has spurred her on. I have some reservations regarding how this will happen; however, at some point, she must live on her own separate from us. She has amazed us before; she will again.

Will has been living in his own apartment in another city for a year and a half now. He became a regular employee (rather than a long-term supplemental employee) in October. Now he has vacation time, a 401(k), and salary. He drives his beat up old car around his community. This Sunday, he will be singing in a cantata at his church. We are looking forward to seeing him at Christmas. My husband talks to him a little bit every weekday morning on the phone. I talk to him a couple times a week. He would like to meet a girl and get married. It could happen.

Patty is finishing up her senior year in college. We are pushing her to learn how to drive. Like many millennials, she is afraid of driving, but in order for her to transition to studying for her Masters/PhD, she must learn to drive. One more semester, and the Kilter College Taxi Service will cease to operate.

As for Ralph and me, we are beginning the process of transitioning to retirement. Ralph is by some miracle and perseverance and prayer, still working. (He has gone through six months of harassment at work – his employer would like him to quit). He is 62 and would like to work until 65, or at least get close. I am 54 and hope to work until I am 65. But the process of thinking about living with far less income has us thinking seriously about downsizing. Maybe we’ll have more time for volunteering. Have more time for fun activities.

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A Place of Refuge

26 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Disability, high functioning autism, Independence, Transition issues

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

asperger, autism, coping, meltdown, parenting, Refuge

When we had the big meeting with all of Will’s teachers, therapists, and administrators before he entered the sixth grade (middle school in our district), his social worker suggested that Will should have a place of refuge at the middle school. This was his place where he could escape in order to calm himself down. In his case, we designated the Title One Room. He was allowed go in there and talk to the aide, read a book, work on his homework. Just repair himself. All of his teachers were in agreement, and it was written into his IEP.

What a good idea, I thought at the time. So at home, we designated a place of refuge for him. In our case, it was his room. We said, “You need to take refuge in your room to calm yourself down. Read a book. Look out the window. Would you like a snack to take with you? Listen to some music. When you are calmer, you can come out.” Sometimes after a little bit, Ralph or I would go to his room and talk with him. Other times, he would come back out on his own.

This was helpful for our family.

I think it mattered what we named it, too. Both to us and to Will. By calling it his place of refuge, it was communication to him that he was able to calm himself down, and we needed to calm ourselves down as well.

This was just one strategy for helping Will cope with his emotions. Later on, he didn’t need it as much and we developed additional strategies for coping.

calm

Adam Lanza – Autistic or Asperger’s

15 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Adam Lanza, asperger, autism

It appears that Adam Lanza’s brother, Ryan, says that his brother was Autistic or had Asperger’s. It is probably true, and it is true that the media will probably fixate on that in order to find some explanation for his unfathomable actions. To make sense of it.

Already they are interviewing his neighbors, even his elementary school classmates and people who barely knew him to investigate whether there was any way of foretelling/forestalling this horrible event. “He was off.” “He was quiet.” “He kept to himself.” “He was strange.” A lot of those descriptions could be made of many high functioning autistic adults.

I think there is more to this than autism/Asperger’s. There is evil in this world.  And people with Autism/Asperger’s and comorbid conditions are capable of it, just like everyone else. Autism/Asperger’s is not the reason this occurred. The dark side of humanity is.

An unspeakable tragedy.

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