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Category Archives: high functioning autism

Collateral Damage

07 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by Ann Kilter in Achievement, Asperger's syndrome, Autism, high functioning autism, Independence, Transition issues

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

aspergers syndrome, autism, collateral damage, shutdown

Peckham, inc., obtains government contracts to employ disabled people and is affected by the shutdown.

Peckham is based out of Lansing, Michigan, and was founded by Ralf Peckham who was the head of the Michigan Rehab department. His original goal was to hire people with mental illness who faced significant barriers to employment.

Peckham opened their high tech call center in Grand Rapids 4 years ago. They are a nonprofit organization that trains and hires people with disabilities to do meaningful work at a high level of competence. These are people who our society and businesses have left behind. Have deemed unworthy of employment and the dignity that comes from being able to support themselves.

ADHD, sensory disorders, back injuries, blindness, autism, paraplegic and quadraplegia, depression, and anxiety are some of the conditions that qualify someone to work at Peckham.

Since Peckham opened here, many of these employees have become independent, bought their own houses or rented an apartment. A few have gotten married. They have moved on, finally, with their lives.

Marie was in the initial group of hires at Peckham four years ago. Since then, as many of you know, she has bought a condo, and we live with her. This condo is a blessing for us.

Marie graduated from Davenport University with a bachelor’s degree in accounting. Because of her disability, autism compounded by a mild brain injury at birth, she could not find a job for four years. She persisted in her efforts to find employment and sent out many resumes, volunteered for nonprofits, and eventually found limited part-time work at Mel trotter in accounts receivable.

So when the opportunity for employment with Peckham came up, she decided to go a different direction and try something new because her accounting degree was seemingly of no use. So Peckham trained her in tech support. She has real world certification. Tier 1 tech support, and she continues to train for additional certifications. She is also currently in the process of obtaining an associate’s in programming from grcc. She’s about halfway through. She’s a straight A student in this endeavor. I say this not just because I am proud of her. I say this because these are the kind of people that our capitalist system misses out on. UnEmployment among capable people with disabilities is multiple times the general level of unemployment.

So yesterday because of the government shutdown, 30 people were laid off at the Grand Rapids Peckham location. Marie’s hours were reduced to 30 a week. As the shutdown goes on, she could be laid off as well. Wednesday she had one chat in 7 hours. Yesterday 2 chats. She has training and experience in several areas at Peckham, plus seniority. Over the weekend she used two vacation days so others could work.

The government agency she primarily does support for, the US Forest Service – the firefighters who fight the fires in California for instance, has laid off most of their employees. That’s considered a non-essential government service.

 

The government agency she works for primarily provides tech support for, the US Forest Service – the firefighters who fight the fires in California for instance, has laid off most of their employees. That’s considered a non-essential government service.
After Marie had worked for Peckham for a year, we spent a year trying to help her become independent through buying her own condo or renting an apartment. We toured apartment complexes and condos. We came close to signing a lease and to making an offer on a condo, but stopped at the last minute. Then Ralph was diagnosed with cancer. At that point, we made the decision to help Marie buy a condo with the understanding that we would live with her and share the expenses. And a condo just happened to be available. I’m so thankful we have this arrangement. She has some cushion. I know she’s anxious as anyone would be. we are doing okay for now. But I think about the employees who have their own apartment for the first time or are supporting a family.
And I say all this just in case you don’t know anyone who is affected by the shutdown.
We need to let our president and our representatives know they should work toward a real compromise. President Trump said in a tweet a couple days ago that a shutdown didn’t matter that much because it is mostly affects Democratic employees. I’m sure there are some conservatives that are affected as well. Aside from being tone deaf, that demonstrates contempt for ordinary people.
The employees at Peckham are not federal employees. They are collateral damage that has not been reported on in this government shut down.

Vulnerability

29 Monday May 2017

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Disability, high functioning autism, Independence

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

asperger's, autism, conned, crime, scam, vulnerable

Patty has been living with her brother, Will, since February. On Wednesday evening, she she messaged me on Facebook.

Can I ask you something

And can you promise not to tell Dad?

Yes.

Will was conned by a young woman asking for money.

Cash?

Of course.

How?

So, she claimed to have fled an abusive relationship in Alabama…. She was at the grocery store. Will went shopping Monday.

Alone.

I was not there. Otherwise, this probably wouldn’t have happened.

How much did he give her?

Quite a bit.

Does she know where you live?

I’m not sure the total amount.

No.

Good.

We kind of know where she is supposed to live.

How do you know he was conned?

I think we need to call the police. Weeell. He went and saw her tonight (she was asking for help again.)

How much?

And she claimed to have lost her wallet. That’s tonight.

She has his contact information?

She asked for $300 more.

Oh no.

Unfortunately, yes.

He gave it to her?

Block her.

Yeah. I know. Sigh. People prey on those with obvious disabilities.

At this point, I began messaging Will. I found out he had been approached by a young African America woman who claimed to be escaping from an abusive relationship. She asked Will for money to pay her rent. She was crying, he said. She told him she would pay him back, and asked for his phone number so she could pay him back when she got the money. However, over the course of three days, she never paid him back. She only pleaded for more money. Over the course of three days, he gave her $1,600.

I asked him if she knew where he lives or his last name.

He said, No. I hope not.

Do you know where she lives? Did you go to her house? Did you take her to your house?

No. I don’t know where she lives.

Block her. Don’t talk to her ever again.

I’ll give her another week to pay back the money.

No. Block her. Consider the money lost, and this an expensive lesson.

Okay.

I knew that he was still unconvinced. He is independent. He is an adult. He’ll say one thing and then do what he wants anyway. After all, he is an adult (29) and doesn’t want to argue with me, his mother. I understand that.

The next morning I received a frantic phone call from Patty. “Mom, that woman called Will and is asking him to buy her food because she is hungry.”

“Go and tell Will to hang up. Right now.”

I heard her hurrying down the stairs. “Mom, said to hang up. Right now!”

Will hung up. Patty handed him her phone.

“Will, don’t talk to her anymore. That money is gone. You will not be able to get it back no matter how much she says she will pay you back. She will only plead with you for more.”

“I know.”

“Block her.” Then I thought, her friends would still be able to call, or she could get a different number. “Change your phone number. Right now.”

“Okay. I will.”

A few minutes later he sent me a Facebook message with the new phone number. Later, he told me that he was relieved that she couldn’t contact him anymore. We went to visit him and Patty yesterday. Privately, I asked him how she could have gotten $1,600 from him in three days. He said, “She just kept tricking me.” I told him that he had a good heart, that he wanted to help a woman in distress. But she took him advantage of that good heart in him. I know, he said.

Oh Lord. How I want to keep him and his sisters safe. I did not think to prepare him for this. Fortunately, Patty who is living with him, tried to stop him. And when he snuck out to give this woman even more money, Patty enlisted me in the effort to stop him. I hate to think what would have happened had Patty not been living with him.

I hope that he will not give into the desire to try to get his money back. That he will not contact her with his new phone number. Oh Lord. Keep him safe.

Adults with autism who are functioning in the adult world may be more vulnerable to scams. Our Will wants to believe good in others. This experience will hopefully make him more wary in the future. He is usually very careful with his money. And the loss of this money did not endanger his ability to pay his bills.

 

photo-scam

Moving

09 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, cancer, faith, high functioning autism, Independence

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

asperger's syndrome, autism, cancer, downsize, downsizing, myelodysplastic syndrome

Well…

Things are changing quickly. On Saturday, on our way to go fishing, I said to Ralph, “We should take some money out your 401k to help Marie make a down payment on a condo.” He was open to the idea.

The next morning, I said we should look for a condo. He said there was no way we could find a suitable condo in our price range. I said to him, “God has provided for us in so many ways. He provided the money for you to go to college, and you graduated from college with no debt. He led us to this neighborhood where our kids received an excellent education in a tiny school district. Our kids were more successful than we could have imagined. God provided the funds for them to go to college. Don’t you think that if he has been faithful with that, he would be faithful for our need to find another place?” (I went on to list more instances of God’s provision for us in our lives.)

Then he went to the computer and started looking up condos for sale. “Here’s one we could afford. Two bedroom, two bath.”  That is, one that Marie could afford. We cannot get a mortgage due to our debt and medical bills. We showed the condo to Marie, and suggested we go over and look at the outside of it.

I wrote an email to a real estate agent that we have been working with for the past six months. I told her about Ralph’s cancer and wondered if Marie would be able to buy a condo, and we could move in with her and pay rent to her. She emailed me back and said that it wasn’t likely because the real estate market here is so hot…and some condos are getting 20 bids with some bids exceeding appraisal values. She doubted we could find anything soon.

45 minutes later, she called me and told me about the same condo that we were planning to look at the outside of. We went over with them and instead looked at the inside and outside of it. Nice. Very nice. It has a den/dining room with french doors that we could use for a clean room should Ralph’s white blood cell count dip to dangerous levels. Two full bathrooms, two bedrooms. A gas fireplace. And only two miles from Marie’s job.

Out in the car we all agreed that we liked it and should make an offer on it. We made an offer on Tuesday night at the full asking price. At 6:30 the next morning, our real estate agent told us that the seller accepted Marie’s offer, but only if we could sign the acceptance by noon. Marie did that. Now she is going through the process of getting the mortgage. Next week are the inspections. Then the appraisal. Then hopefully the closing not too long after that.

Then we move out of this old house. Now to choose what to take, what to sell, and what to throw away. The thought is overwhelming. Will is planning to take our old dog, Daisy, and one of the old cats, Chris. We will take the old cat, Mistletoe and the two younger cats.

Then we sell this house. We are downsizing. We won’t even “own” our own house. But we will have a place to live. And Marie, although she is qualified for this mortgage and has excellent credit, will find it easier to pay the mortgage and other costs with us paying rent. She could have the condo paid off fairly quickly. Marie told us a few months ago that she did not want to live alone. We are very fortunate to have her as a daughter. We never imagined that our daughter who spent 13 years in special education, but went on to obtain a college degree in accounting, would come to our rescue. We are praying that everything goes smoothly with no hitches.

home-sweet-condo-retro

Kilter Family Update – The Next Stage

05 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Disability, faith, high functioning autism, Independence

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

autism, change, empty nest, next stage, onward, transition

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” John Shedd.

My blog posts have slowed down this year. This is due in part to the chaos in my life due to Ralph’s health issues. I just haven’t had the time or energy to devote to writing.

It may also be due to the fact that our kids are leaving the nest and moving on with their lives. I am in the process of letting go, and I feel a need to allow them more privacy.

I’ve received some more reminders lately that the ropes are being cast off and their ships are sailing out of the harbor.

I struggle with the idea of them dating, making decisions with the tag – “just letting you know, Mom….” As if I have no say in the matter! 🙂

They were all home for Christmas and it was wonderful. We enjoyed our turkey dinner. We watched It’s A Wonderful Life. On Christmas morning we turned on the Yule Log movie on Netflix.

Mary’s gift to us was rebuilding my old computer so that I could do my writing and Ralph could play games. Will gave us a new monitor to go with it. Patty gave us a gift card to Olive Garden. They know how to give good gifts…

We talked about going to see the Star Wars movie at the movie theater over New Year’s weekend while visiting Will at his house. Will let me know later in the day that he was planning to see us in February around his birthday. He had plans for another date on New Year’s with a girl he has been chatting with on-line for a while.

While home from University, Patty told me that she was planning to apply for a job at a national historical site, and that if she gets the job, she would not be staying with us this summer. Just letting us know, not asking our opinion, she said.

Mary is planning to live with us for a few more years and save up to buy a condo or a small house. Ralph is recommending a house with paid maintenance. My preference is that she buy a condo. But it is up to her, and she has to make up her own mind. She has been working full time for almost a year.

Ralph is continuing to recover his health, but has had some set backs. He is doing the emotional work of adjusting to disability and retirement. Everything is different for him. He is struggling with loneliness and finding a sense of purpose. I make suggestions, but he told me that he is still recovering and he doesn’t have the energy to take up something new right now.

As for me, I feel a bit at loose ends. Things are changing for me, too. My relationships with my husband and children are different. I probably won’t write about the process. Some of it is exciting. Some, not so much. After a year’s absence, I am planning to get involved with my writing group again. I am thinking about trying my hand at writing some fiction. I have a couple of ideas. I may start a different blog, not related to autism. Having a working computer in my writing corner is a big help.

Thank you all for going on this journey with me.

1398802205

Leaving the Nest

30 Monday Nov 2015

Posted by Ann Kilter in Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Goals, high functioning autism

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

asperger's, autism, encouragement, Grad school, Love in action, thanksgiving

12278953_907688599318644_6251494295829550626_n

On Thursday, Ralph, Mary, Will and I traveled to Patty’s university apartment to celebrate Thanksgiving with her. 400 miles one way. I had debated if we should go at all. Whether the time and expense were something we should spend. We wanted to see Patty and visit with her…but after all, we are going to see her in two weeks when she flies home after the semester is over.

Ralph cooked a turkey on Tuesday with stuffing. We froze most of it and took it with us in a cooler. We bought donuts at the wonderful donut shop in our community and took them with us as well.

When we arrived, it was immediately apparent that the weeks of work, intense demands of graduate study, part-time work as a teacher’s assistant, and a week of influenza had taken a toll on the condition of her apartment. After some initial hugs, we immediately started to clean it up. The dishwasher was soon running. We made a few runs to the dumpster. Will helped Patty do all of her laundry.

Will stayed overnight at her very small apartment and spent more time teasing her and listening to her. He also mopped her floors, vacuumed, and organized her stuff.

We went out to lunch on Thursday and took her shopping. Will bought her a few more pans for his Christmas gift to her. But by Thursday night, she was starting to study again.

We left the next morning for our nine-hour trip back.

I am so glad we went. As an encouragement to her and reassurance to us that she could make it to the end of the semester. Will’s deep love for his sister was evident in his servant’s heart for her. Evidence that autism hasn’t impaired his ability to show love and empathy. A few weeks ago, he hired someone to give his house a thorough cleaning. He has been working 12-14 hours a day for one client on the east coast and another on the west coast. Yet he endured 18 hours of travel by car to Patty’s university to visit with her and clean her apartment. Today, I dropped him off at the airport in our town for his flight to the west coast.

IMG_20151127_114138828

 

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