Tags
Tonight, Mary reminded me of a deal our family had, which made college possible.
After she finishes her computer certification course, she will have to pass a certification test. Today she sent me a flurry of emails with possible dates and times for the test. All of them involved weekdays and time slots in the middle of the day. I groaned silently at my desk. It would mean taking another day or afternoon off. I am trying to hoard my remaining days off so that I can take the three days before Thanksgiving off and get a week of vacation out of the year. I felt resentful of her use of my paid time off.
Then the guilt set in. I love Mary, I scolded myself. I should be ready to do anything to help her succeed, to help her launch her ship from the harbor. So why was I wrestling with this very important step for her?
Tonight on the way to her class, I asked her about the test and the times she had sent me. I told her that I would need to take a whole day or a half off for the test.
“No,” she said. “You can take me in the morning before work. I’ll stay there the whole day, and you can pick me up.”
“Your Dad could pick you up, you know. His work is over that way.”
She reminded me of our college deal. We drove our kids to college and picked them up every day. Pick up and drop off times had to be scheduled around our work schedule. Very rarely would we pick them up on our lunch hour. So they had to hang around campus all day, find a place to be, find things to do. None of them could drive and/or had a car during their college days.
But Mary had already figured out how she was going to get to the test while respecting my vacation time.
(This is a picture of Will trudging off to class after being dropped off.)
annkilter 
Hi Ann, thanks for following my blog. It’s interesting to read yours – about your grown children and your struggles with an emptying nest. Blessings to you and your family.
Thank you. Transition is the move into adulthood for those with disabilities. I guess that’s part of emptying the nest.
I so got you initial reaction, and so happy you found a compromise!
Not even much of a compromise. Mary was two steps ahead of me…and had already thought about my situation.
I like the way that you write and your subject matter! I am going to follow you!
Thank you! I see that you are a poet. 🙂
I try to be.
🙂 Glad it all worked out. I know it’s hard cause I would’ve felt it too but we really shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting some of our own time to do what we want to do with it. Also – Sending her lots of luck on the test.
It’s a struggle to carve out some time for ourselves. We do have to think about ourselves. It’s the oxygen mask that all parents have to think about. Thank you for the luck for Mary’s test.
I am so glad you are going to get your time and Mary understood this. Guilt is hard on us as Mom’s. I had to learn when I used to never have “me” time and end up unwell, that guilt is a killer of stress reactions. You can never spend enough time with your kids, nor do enough for them, never have enough for them and if you do not take time for yourself, you will burn out and then they will have nothing. This happened to me totally and my kids are still scarred when I had a breakdown and could do nothing for them for a couple years. Mine was extreme, but even in a small way, it breaks us down.
I agree. We have to carve out some time for ourselves.